he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize