Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
