yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
