I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
