What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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