Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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