I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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