How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
