it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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