Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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