I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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