Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
