so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
