every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You took a bar mat shot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Randomize
