a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
