does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
