That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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