I wish I could punch you in the face.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
