just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
