He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
