if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize