I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
