I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
