May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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