I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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