Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
