There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
