I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
