Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
