This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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