I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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