well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
