Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
