I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
