if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
