Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
