I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
