hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
