Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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