This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
