yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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