Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
