Ambien. No doubt about it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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