I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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