FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
