Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
