The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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