No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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