There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
