I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
