so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
