come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
