I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
