and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
