Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
