i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
