I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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