I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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