I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
