not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
