Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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