The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Vodka?
Forever.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
