I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
