I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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