...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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