Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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